Moms, Daughters and Renewal

Today is my mom’s 80th birthday.

It’s been a big year for her.

After 56 years of marriage and 4 children my mom has made the bold move to divorce my dad.

She is now partnered with an incredible woman named Jus.

This is a photo of Jus, mom, dad, and Nymue in Taos, New Mexico last month where we went to celebrate them.

A few reflections, in no particular order:

1. I have never seen my mom so happy.

I don’t think I even knew what this kind of happiness would look like on her. She is radiant.

2. This is a bold act of freedom.

For my daughter, for our granddaughters, this decision to leave my dad has prayed something deep into being: Never stay in a life you don’t want to be in. Don't confuse endurance with love. It’s never too late to choose yourself.

3. Welcome to the family, Jus.

You’re amazing. We love you. Thank you for loving my mom.

4. To any person who wants to leave a marriage and hasn’t found the way yet:

There is life outside of it.

There is breath outside of it. There is joy outside of it. There is a self waiting for you outside of it.

5. Women loving women is powerful.

Recentering women in life opens up a totally different way of being. So many of us were domesticated by being taught to prioritize the men in our lives. I’m living in the 're-centering of women power' up close, and it’s tender, steady, and profound.

6. A personal prayer, God, help me to keep my heart open to love in all its forms.

If my future self defaults to looking out in the world for evidence that confirms limiting beliefs about love, help me stay open to miracles, vulnerability, hope, and tenderness.

7. Thank you, Mom.

Thank you for having the courage to break an intergenerational script for women.

After traveling through Wales, England, and South Africa, and learning about and connecting with the women in my milk line, I can only imagine how proud these ancestors are looking at you now.

Our grandmothers are watching you choose life and cheering you on.

8. Thank you, Dad. It's been a big year for you, too. You have gone through a divorce, went to Nepal for a few months, traveled around North America, and have landed back in New Zealand.

You’ve taught me something about generous love.

You said, “Why would I not support your mom? I love her, and this is what she wants.”

It's not the words on their own that brought me to tears hearing you say this, it is the complete clarity of your heart choosing love over the other thing.

Thank you for templating this for me.

9. Thank you, God.

Thank you for the twists and turns and miracles of this life. Keep me open. Thank you for answering my prayer to keep me teachable, show me what I love, and help me love change.

Happy 80th birthday, Mom.

I love you. I’m proud of you. And I’m so grateful I get to witness this new beginning.